So you say it's your birthday?

My first conscious thought when I woke up this morning was, Today is my birthday.

Half a lifetime ago, I woke up with the same thought, knowing that I was pregnant with my first baby and eager to know what the life ahead of me would bring.

A quarter of a lifetime ago, I woke up with the same thought, knowing that I had survived almost half a year as a single mom and scared that I wouldn't be up to the challenge.

Ten years ago, I was determined to let that first baby make his own mistakes and face his own consequences; his little brother walked the halls as a senior in high school and his sister took off every morning driving her own car.

Five years ago, the little brother was an Army reservist driving a truck in the war zone in Iraq, the little sister was a senior theater arts major at USC, that first baby was trying to become an auto mechanic in Austin, and I was hopeful that all three of them were finally stepping into adulthood.

And now we're here. The little sister is having a ball as a theater lighting designer in Los Angeles and trying out an exciting relationship with her current flame; the little brother is delivering pizzas, biding his time until the call comes through telling him when and where to report for full-time duty with the US Army; and that first baby is back at home, working in an automotive repair shop to earn the money to pay for school at the local community college, where he hopes to be admitted to the radiation therapy program and start a career in the medical field.

And me? Well, I keep thinking that I'm the age my Nana was in that quintessential grandmotherly picture I have somewhere in this confusion I call a home, and I'm pretty sure that's not me. I still think of myself as a mom first, teacher second, but teaching seems to be consuming the huge majority of my time lately. I have become something of an addict of stupid computer card games, and I've managed to find time here and there to blog, but mornings every day find me grading stacks and stacks of papers, and afternoons find me teaching or consulting with students most of the time. Grandchildren don't even appear to be on my horizon.

When I'm not teaching, I'm often "grading for pin money"—working as a contract or consulting editor; in fact, I have a bid out to develop some short courses that could provide nice pin money I'd love to have. And if I can squeeze out the time Saturday, I'll be back at the local Girl Scout camp as a volunteer there. 

My next-older sister came over today to deliver a delightful letter she had written for me to tell me how proud of me she is, and I have to admit that that was one of the nicest presents I've ever gotten. I also have to admit that she nailed some things right on the head, but she mostly gave me credit in cases where I'm pretty sure I've just been incredibly lucky—or blessed, if that's the way you want to look at it.

So today is my birthday. And I'm okay with that.